I've been feeling pretty down the past several days too. I've been feeling like a group killer. A few years back, I took over a mommy playgroup at our old church when my friend moved away. It didn't take long before it was dead, and it was quite apparent I was trying to breathe life into something that just wasn't coming back. I feel like the same is happening in another group now. I love these women, and what this group means for so many. It breaks my heart to see it faltering. We're meeting to discuss the future today, and I worry. What does worry do anyhow, besides give me more gray hair? It just grieves me to think that unless God breathes new life into the group, like he did in Ezekiel, it may be beyond help. Aaron has been reassuring me that it's not that I am the problem. Sometimes groups have a season. He helped me recognize how so many women moved on right after I joined the group even (not just when I became one of the leaders) because of the age of their children. And we live in such a consumer society. People just don't want to pour into something to get something back. People in general feel so drained already by life that there often isn't much more to give back. But now, the 20% who are doing 80% of the work are now completely drained. I've seen it with what my dad deals with in a junior rifle club I grew up in. When I was a kid shooting there, most parents had some form of active involvement. No one just got dropped off and left. Now? It's like free babysitting. The few coaches that are there are left with most of the work. When we'd go to national championships in Ohio, 30 kids would go and their parents often would as well. Now? Not so much.
On a much brighter note, we celebrated Drew's birthday this week! I can't believe my boy is 8 now. We started with Monster Jam on Sunday. It was awesome and the kids had a great time. We spent his birthday morning at Chuck E Cheese (note to self: check the local school calendar first...Prince William was closed, and that place was worse than a Saturday!!). Drew is very excited about his Lego store gift certificate and the tickets to Casting Crowns. All the birthday celebrating got Ben to open up and say he doesn't want to go to Yogi for camping this year for his birthday. He'd rather just go to CEC too. Umm...ok kid, that'll save us a boatload of cash! He said he'd rather have regular presents than vacation. I think we can handle that.
One last parting thought....
Romans 15:13
New International Version (NIV)
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Oh, how I needed that Romans verse! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAnd Aaron is right--it's not you. Please don't beat yourself up. That's a lot to heap on yourself. At the end of the day, as long as you've put everything you are able to into it and you've done your best, sometimes you just have to step back and say, "I tried." That's the important thing. And you have tried.
Happy birthday, Drew!