For a while, I was feeling guilty. Guilty that I wasn't volunteering here and there. I'm not active in a church ministry, and actually haven't been since Sam was born. I am a co-coordinator for MOPS, but that term is coming to an end in just a few months. I've been very diligent about saying no to things because what we really don't need is for me to say "yes" to more. I help out as much as possible with my kids' sports and, of course, we homeschool. I'll gladly pitch in on something very short term when help is needed and I know we're available.
In the midst of that guilt, God really spoke to me. It's so very ok that at this stage of my life that I'm not involved in much outside ministry. I have a big ministry right here at home, and it's about to grow even more by the (official) end of summer. My husband and children are my focus, and it's ok that nothing else is topping that. Pouring into my family, ensuring they are growing spiritually, staying healthy, and getting a good education are my calling right now. I have ideas in my head of things I'd love to do, but I know that the season for that will come. Right now, I'm going to turn away from the guilt that nags when volunteers are needed and I don't feel the urge to say yes. I would never turn down an opportunity that God led me to, even if I think it means I'll be too busy. I will be sure though, that He is leading me there, and not my "Oh but I probably should" thoughts.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
The heart of a child
You never know how sheltered your child is...until they are met with "how the other half lives."
Now, usually, that makes us think of the time our kid went to visit a friend who seems to have so much more stuff. But today, it was the opposite experience. Ben (5 1/2) needed information on a missionary for his Awana book. He asked if I actually knew one. So, I showed him Luke & Sarah's website, and we watched the video. He was completely stunned. I saw the tears come as we talked about how some of those children lived each day. He weighed in his mind just how much he has in comparison. He told me that he feels really lucky to live here. He doesn't understand why those children have to live that way. Why don't they all have nice clothes? Why don't they all have lots of food? Why isn't that man sleeping in a bed? Those can't really be homes, can they Mom?
It raised a lot of questions, and now he's off playing. But I keep catching him lost in thought, and I can tell by his face where his mind has gone. I'm sure there are more questions coming. I think this is a lot for his little mind to process, and over time we'll explore what he wants to know.
We've spent time at Christmas telling the boys that they should give much of what they already have away before getting new things. But I think they really don't understand just how blessed we are in comparison to some other families. I'm realizing more and more that it's ok to show them the harsh reality of the world. They don't need to be a particular age to get it, and more likely, they'll get it better now than as a teenager or an adult.
Now, usually, that makes us think of the time our kid went to visit a friend who seems to have so much more stuff. But today, it was the opposite experience. Ben (5 1/2) needed information on a missionary for his Awana book. He asked if I actually knew one. So, I showed him Luke & Sarah's website, and we watched the video. He was completely stunned. I saw the tears come as we talked about how some of those children lived each day. He weighed in his mind just how much he has in comparison. He told me that he feels really lucky to live here. He doesn't understand why those children have to live that way. Why don't they all have nice clothes? Why don't they all have lots of food? Why isn't that man sleeping in a bed? Those can't really be homes, can they Mom?
It raised a lot of questions, and now he's off playing. But I keep catching him lost in thought, and I can tell by his face where his mind has gone. I'm sure there are more questions coming. I think this is a lot for his little mind to process, and over time we'll explore what he wants to know.
We've spent time at Christmas telling the boys that they should give much of what they already have away before getting new things. But I think they really don't understand just how blessed we are in comparison to some other families. I'm realizing more and more that it's ok to show them the harsh reality of the world. They don't need to be a particular age to get it, and more likely, they'll get it better now than as a teenager or an adult.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
It's been awhile
Life has been beyond crazy and busy lately. And if you glance at my calendar, you'd see it's not getting better any time soon. The great thing is that, with the exception of work commitments for Aaron, all things on the calendar are there by choice, and are something we enjoy. So, at least it's not laden with burden.
I've been feeling pretty down the past several days too. I've been feeling like a group killer. A few years back, I took over a mommy playgroup at our old church when my friend moved away. It didn't take long before it was dead, and it was quite apparent I was trying to breathe life into something that just wasn't coming back. I feel like the same is happening in another group now. I love these women, and what this group means for so many. It breaks my heart to see it faltering. We're meeting to discuss the future today, and I worry. What does worry do anyhow, besides give me more gray hair? It just grieves me to think that unless God breathes new life into the group, like he did in Ezekiel, it may be beyond help. Aaron has been reassuring me that it's not that I am the problem. Sometimes groups have a season. He helped me recognize how so many women moved on right after I joined the group even (not just when I became one of the leaders) because of the age of their children. And we live in such a consumer society. People just don't want to pour into something to get something back. People in general feel so drained already by life that there often isn't much more to give back. But now, the 20% who are doing 80% of the work are now completely drained. I've seen it with what my dad deals with in a junior rifle club I grew up in. When I was a kid shooting there, most parents had some form of active involvement. No one just got dropped off and left. Now? It's like free babysitting. The few coaches that are there are left with most of the work. When we'd go to national championships in Ohio, 30 kids would go and their parents often would as well. Now? Not so much.
On a much brighter note, we celebrated Drew's birthday this week! I can't believe my boy is 8 now. We started with Monster Jam on Sunday. It was awesome and the kids had a great time. We spent his birthday morning at Chuck E Cheese (note to self: check the local school calendar first...Prince William was closed, and that place was worse than a Saturday!!). Drew is very excited about his Lego store gift certificate and the tickets to Casting Crowns. All the birthday celebrating got Ben to open up and say he doesn't want to go to Yogi for camping this year for his birthday. He'd rather just go to CEC too. Umm...ok kid, that'll save us a boatload of cash! He said he'd rather have regular presents than vacation. I think we can handle that.
One last parting thought....
I've been feeling pretty down the past several days too. I've been feeling like a group killer. A few years back, I took over a mommy playgroup at our old church when my friend moved away. It didn't take long before it was dead, and it was quite apparent I was trying to breathe life into something that just wasn't coming back. I feel like the same is happening in another group now. I love these women, and what this group means for so many. It breaks my heart to see it faltering. We're meeting to discuss the future today, and I worry. What does worry do anyhow, besides give me more gray hair? It just grieves me to think that unless God breathes new life into the group, like he did in Ezekiel, it may be beyond help. Aaron has been reassuring me that it's not that I am the problem. Sometimes groups have a season. He helped me recognize how so many women moved on right after I joined the group even (not just when I became one of the leaders) because of the age of their children. And we live in such a consumer society. People just don't want to pour into something to get something back. People in general feel so drained already by life that there often isn't much more to give back. But now, the 20% who are doing 80% of the work are now completely drained. I've seen it with what my dad deals with in a junior rifle club I grew up in. When I was a kid shooting there, most parents had some form of active involvement. No one just got dropped off and left. Now? It's like free babysitting. The few coaches that are there are left with most of the work. When we'd go to national championships in Ohio, 30 kids would go and their parents often would as well. Now? Not so much.
On a much brighter note, we celebrated Drew's birthday this week! I can't believe my boy is 8 now. We started with Monster Jam on Sunday. It was awesome and the kids had a great time. We spent his birthday morning at Chuck E Cheese (note to self: check the local school calendar first...Prince William was closed, and that place was worse than a Saturday!!). Drew is very excited about his Lego store gift certificate and the tickets to Casting Crowns. All the birthday celebrating got Ben to open up and say he doesn't want to go to Yogi for camping this year for his birthday. He'd rather just go to CEC too. Umm...ok kid, that'll save us a boatload of cash! He said he'd rather have regular presents than vacation. I think we can handle that.
One last parting thought....
Romans 15:13
New International Version (NIV)
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The joy of my boys
In case anyone missed the memo, I adore my boys.
They are loud, boisterous, crazy, and make me pull my hair out sometimes. But I love every moment of it. After 8 years, I'm finally starting to understand what it is to raise boys. No offense to all the girl-mamas out there, but it takes a whole other technique to have a boy in the house. They learn differently, communicate differently, and love differently. My boys wake up ready to go and don't stop until I tuck them into bed at night. There are nights I declare "DS Party!" so I can tuck them in earlier and they can play games together for a while because I'm just exhausted.
On Friday, Sam had his ear tubes removed. I, of course, was a nervous wreck about my boy being put to sleep and just undergoing surgery in general. Even if it only lasted 15 minutes! That's my baby they were taking in there. Sam, on the other hand, was a complete trooper. He told the nurse Dr. Stern needed to hurry and fix his ears because he wanted his breakfast. And after, in recovery, he grinned at me as he told me the nurse was going to give him a popsicle for being such a big boy!! He blew me away. This little one, who was dealt a big hand to play as an infant with all his allergies and ear infections, was so charming and sweet. All the nurses wanted to keep him.
I had the opportunity while I was there to introduce an all-boy-mama there to the reality of having boys. Hers are 2 and 4, and she said she just doesn't understand why they don't sit quietly ever. I said "That's the nature of boys. It's how they are designed to work." She let it soak in and said "Well, I never thought of it that way. How do you handle it?" I told her that they just need a lot of energy outlets, opportunities to climb and build and be the hero. They won't fit into the "girl behavior" box, but rather will just smash it down for the fun of it. I saw the wheels turning in her mind, and hopefully she will take some time to really consider what it is to have all boys. It's a special calling for mothers, that's for sure!
For all the times my boys make me wonder how many seconds are left until bedtime, there is a hug, a smile, a kiss, a "me loves you", there comes a realization that we're really doing a sort-of-good job with them that makes me step back and fall in love with them all over again.
It's a loud journey with these guys, and I have to get over my own girlish tendencies to survive...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
They are loud, boisterous, crazy, and make me pull my hair out sometimes. But I love every moment of it. After 8 years, I'm finally starting to understand what it is to raise boys. No offense to all the girl-mamas out there, but it takes a whole other technique to have a boy in the house. They learn differently, communicate differently, and love differently. My boys wake up ready to go and don't stop until I tuck them into bed at night. There are nights I declare "DS Party!" so I can tuck them in earlier and they can play games together for a while because I'm just exhausted.
On Friday, Sam had his ear tubes removed. I, of course, was a nervous wreck about my boy being put to sleep and just undergoing surgery in general. Even if it only lasted 15 minutes! That's my baby they were taking in there. Sam, on the other hand, was a complete trooper. He told the nurse Dr. Stern needed to hurry and fix his ears because he wanted his breakfast. And after, in recovery, he grinned at me as he told me the nurse was going to give him a popsicle for being such a big boy!! He blew me away. This little one, who was dealt a big hand to play as an infant with all his allergies and ear infections, was so charming and sweet. All the nurses wanted to keep him.
I had the opportunity while I was there to introduce an all-boy-mama there to the reality of having boys. Hers are 2 and 4, and she said she just doesn't understand why they don't sit quietly ever. I said "That's the nature of boys. It's how they are designed to work." She let it soak in and said "Well, I never thought of it that way. How do you handle it?" I told her that they just need a lot of energy outlets, opportunities to climb and build and be the hero. They won't fit into the "girl behavior" box, but rather will just smash it down for the fun of it. I saw the wheels turning in her mind, and hopefully she will take some time to really consider what it is to have all boys. It's a special calling for mothers, that's for sure!
For all the times my boys make me wonder how many seconds are left until bedtime, there is a hug, a smile, a kiss, a "me loves you", there comes a realization that we're really doing a sort-of-good job with them that makes me step back and fall in love with them all over again.
It's a loud journey with these guys, and I have to get over my own girlish tendencies to survive...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Home again, home again....
After a great week spent with family, we are home. Peaceful, calm...
Oh wait, that was just my dream.
This week we are thrust into all the "stuff" that needs done. First on the list was grocery shopping, since apparently everyone here was about to starve. (hardly) Tomorrow morning, Sam gets his ear tubes out. I'm incredibly thankful for a friend willing to take both older boys so I can focus just on Sam tomorrow. I talked to him a bit today about the surgery, and he's all happy-go-lucky about it. "Ok Mama. No problem!" Yeah, we'll see how much "no problem" it is when we're in the thick of it.
In the times I wasn't completely frozen up in CT, I learned a little something about my boys. I never gave their musical tastes much thought, as they like much of the same that we do. When we were in CT, I had a classic rock station on and they were very agitated. The 2nd time we got in the car to that station, they said "Mom, PLEASE find a different station. This music isn't good for us at all. We need WPER." PER is the local Christian music station here in VA. I did finally find one that barely came in based in New York, and they were happy. Drew pulled me aside later to tell me that he really does not like to hear music that doesn't glorify God. Ben agreed. As much as I do, they find comfort in the themes and lyrics of the music we listen to here at home. I can't wait to take them to their first concerts this year. Drew's surprise for his birthday is seeing Casting Crowns in February (shhh....he doesn't know yet!!) and then we will all go see Third Day in March. We're so excited!!! So happy for birthdays that fall around these concerts so we can make them birthday gifts.
Oh wait, that was just my dream.
This week we are thrust into all the "stuff" that needs done. First on the list was grocery shopping, since apparently everyone here was about to starve. (hardly) Tomorrow morning, Sam gets his ear tubes out. I'm incredibly thankful for a friend willing to take both older boys so I can focus just on Sam tomorrow. I talked to him a bit today about the surgery, and he's all happy-go-lucky about it. "Ok Mama. No problem!" Yeah, we'll see how much "no problem" it is when we're in the thick of it.
In the times I wasn't completely frozen up in CT, I learned a little something about my boys. I never gave their musical tastes much thought, as they like much of the same that we do. When we were in CT, I had a classic rock station on and they were very agitated. The 2nd time we got in the car to that station, they said "Mom, PLEASE find a different station. This music isn't good for us at all. We need WPER." PER is the local Christian music station here in VA. I did finally find one that barely came in based in New York, and they were happy. Drew pulled me aside later to tell me that he really does not like to hear music that doesn't glorify God. Ben agreed. As much as I do, they find comfort in the themes and lyrics of the music we listen to here at home. I can't wait to take them to their first concerts this year. Drew's surprise for his birthday is seeing Casting Crowns in February (shhh....he doesn't know yet!!) and then we will all go see Third Day in March. We're so excited!!! So happy for birthdays that fall around these concerts so we can make them birthday gifts.
Monday, January 16, 2012
What a COLD journey!!
We've been spending some time enjoying a late Christmas visit with family the past several days. It has been SO cold though!! Temperatures that don't go above freezing, and it's windy...just not so appealing.
We took the boys duckpin bowling yesterday. What a great time with my sister and niece. Pretty sad that Allyssa and I came in 6th & 7th place though (as in, we pulled up the rear). The winners? Ben and Sam, tied at 85 each! Did I mention we also used bumpers? Yeah, that's right. We are stellar bowlers in this family.
The kids are really enjoying some time with grandparents. Over the course of the trip, they'll get to spend time with both Aaron's parents and mine. We also get to see 2 great-grandmothers this week. What a blessing that they can be so surrounded by family. I love living in VA. It keeps us close enough to visit all of this wonderful family we have without too much struggle. Other options for Aaron's industry are Texas and the west coast, so it's definitely great for us here.
Now, if we could just put in an order for nice warm temps when we return to VA, that'd be great. For now, we're shivering on this journey north!!
We took the boys duckpin bowling yesterday. What a great time with my sister and niece. Pretty sad that Allyssa and I came in 6th & 7th place though (as in, we pulled up the rear). The winners? Ben and Sam, tied at 85 each! Did I mention we also used bumpers? Yeah, that's right. We are stellar bowlers in this family.
The kids are really enjoying some time with grandparents. Over the course of the trip, they'll get to spend time with both Aaron's parents and mine. We also get to see 2 great-grandmothers this week. What a blessing that they can be so surrounded by family. I love living in VA. It keeps us close enough to visit all of this wonderful family we have without too much struggle. Other options for Aaron's industry are Texas and the west coast, so it's definitely great for us here.
Now, if we could just put in an order for nice warm temps when we return to VA, that'd be great. For now, we're shivering on this journey north!!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Isaiah thoughts
I'm doing another Bible in a Year plan this year, and last night, I was in Isaiah. I realized it was so easy for us to say "Haven't the Israelites seen enough of God's blessings and provision to want to follow him always?" Well, sure. But so have we. In the present day, we have seen and heard of God's miracles and provision, and yet, as a people, we are turning from him. Just look at the difference in the past 50-100 years of what is deemed "acceptable" and "normal", especially for our young children. There was a time when the most violence a child saw was a fistfight between teenagers, and he thought that was the worst it could be. But now? TV-Y7 shows are overloaded with violence, all in the name of "comic mischief". My kids love Star Wars, but I wonder if my grandparents would have let my dad watch it at 4,5 or even 7?
So, my reading has just convinced me to not take my eyes from Him for guidance, for provision, and miracles even when I don't realize I need them. Even when things are going along swimmingly, it's easy to drown when I'm not focused on all that God has done in our lives.
Keeping this verse in mind (I love the Amplified, wordiness and all), I will continue on my life journey with my family. Despite hardships, I will rejoice. In the good times, I will praise His name. And I will commit all things to prayer.
So, my reading has just convinced me to not take my eyes from Him for guidance, for provision, and miracles even when I don't realize I need them. Even when things are going along swimmingly, it's easy to drown when I'm not focused on all that God has done in our lives.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Amplified Bible (AMP)16Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always);
17Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly];
18Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Amplified Bible (AMP)
17Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly];
18Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].
Keeping this verse in mind (I love the Amplified, wordiness and all), I will continue on my life journey with my family. Despite hardships, I will rejoice. In the good times, I will praise His name. And I will commit all things to prayer.
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